Christmas cheer for all

Christmas is an interesting time. Fascinating really. You have people rushing around, doing this, getting that, wondering if they have everything, and those are the people who do their shopping online! As for the malls, that can get to be a bit more of a zoo. I went out to the mall today to get some last minute Christmas shopping done, and the crowd wasn't quite what I imagined it would be. Then again, I went to Millwoods Town Center, not West Edmonton Mall or Kingsway. I'm not that crazy. I found what I needed and then some. I was rather proud of myself that I found a gift all by myself. Now, I'm just wondering how this gift will be received, and if it proves that I really don't know people as well as I thought. I've done some pretty bad gifts in the past, but this one I gave it a bit more thought, and it felt right.

I was listening to The Bear and I caught the end of the song. The song was actually over, but the announcer was talking about the song, and the album it was from. I was a little surprised when he said that it was a Christmas song, and further surprised when he said it was from We Wish You a Metal Christmas and a Headbanging New Year. Not exactly music that stirs the soul and makes you dream about sugarplums, but it's still a pretty good disc if you're into the harder music scene. I happened to know that Duff is into that kind of thing, or at least he used to be, and I thought that he would enjoy it. Not exactly the best music to play around kids, but the music was not recorded with that in mind. That or people who let their kids listen to Metal, they have different ideas about what's good for a child to listen to. I have heard of some kids who play Rock Band, and know all the words to Nirvana songs. That's a little freaky, but that's just me.

Turns out my fear about getting ousted was unfounded. People were just getting a little flustered with the amount of work that has piled up on ourselves, and it was starting to show on everyone. Plus taking meds made things a little bit easier to deal with.

We had a wonderful gift exchange, and also received some good news about one of the salesperson's newest addition to his family! Olivia Noella. Cute little girl, eight lbs, 22". I guessed wrong, and therefore did not win the baby pool. Doesn't really matter though, because the money from the pool went to the new daddy, because the person who won thought that he could use the money more than anyone else. AND IT'S TRUE. When you first start off, it's good to have some extra cash to cover costs like diapers and formula (unless she breastfeeds, unlike Rini), but after the first couple months, or weeks, the thing you need more than anything is SLEEP. That's hard to wrap.

But the presents I got in the gift exchange at work were quite easy to wrap, except for one. The metal sign which reads, "NO TRESPASSING: Violators will be shot, and survivors will be shot again;" easy to wrap. The magnet attached to it reading, "Come over to the Dark Side... we have cookies!" Easy to wrap. The little plastic trash can with the blinking lights and three pads of note paper and the stress ball. Easy to wrap. The bookmark with the Chinese (Japanese) character for faith and the beautiful pen set, both were easy to wrap. Even the wine set, that was easy to wrap too. But the one gift that I was really looking forward to, that I'm not even sure if you can call a gift, was very hard to wrap. In fact, it's a gift you get all year long. I got a raise! I was hoping for a bonus, but I'll take a raise just as steadily!

Merry Christmas, and the best of the season to everyone! Double for anyone who read this!

This is what happens when you don't take your meds

I'm starting to wonder just how much I enjoy my job right now.
Before, it was simple enough, and I was in a groove. Now, I'm never
sure what's going on. I don't have much of a plan of what I'm going
to do in the day, because most of the time, I can never get to it.
There is always something that grabs my time, and by the end of the
day, what I had planned to do remains undone, along with a number of
other things.

I'm going to sound a little emo here, but I was also a bit depressed,
and I really didn't want to be at work anymore. I was even told to do
something directly, and I didn't do it, because I felt that I had
something more important to do. Never mind that I had chased down
accounts all morning, the fact that I had not resolved all the
accounts and there were still a very large amount outstanding
remained. Effort is good, but at the end of the day, we need results.
If results are not there, then the day was a waste.

Or so it seems. The message I got was, "You are not doing your job,
and if you don't do it, then someone else will have to do it." What I
heard had a lot more expletives. I tend to do that when I'm
frustrated with myself. I also almost crashed the car a couple times
too because I was driving a little recklessly because I was so angry
with myself.

Then Caitlin reminded me of something I forgot. Meds. Haven't taken
them for over two weeks now, and it's starting to show. I might have
to switch to more than once a week. If it helps me focus, then it
will be worth it in the end.

It's hard to be a responsible father with an orange braclet on the fourth floor.

Phones and Phunnies

It's kind of odd that today, I spent close to two hours on the phone. First conversation was with my Grandma, and I haven't talked to her for some time, plus I needed to thank her for paying for our AMA membership. It was nice to catch up, and I also found that talking to her educated me a little about my family history. I know that dad has handled most of the things on his side, and I have taken responsibility for most of mom's side, but it was still interesting to hear the stories from Grandma first hand.

Than I talked with Morgan for the better part of forty five minutes.
It was great to talk trash with a guy for once. It's nice to talk to
your spouse, but when you freely call your friends idiots and they
know you speak in jest, it feels great! Sad thing is we're both on
the same boat. In dire need to talk to another guy! You can only
take so much of baby and wife before you have to do something
masculine like trap someone in an outhouse by roping it shut, tipping
it over, and setting it on fire. Barring the actual performance of
such an atrocity, you can talk about it to some degree with someone.

Another thing I've been doing lately, as I avoid household chores, is
watching videos from thatguywiththeglasses.com. Screamingly funny,
although it does take a certain type of person to understand the
humour and not be offended by it. Utards would definitely hate it and
visit with their priesthood authority after seeing some of the videos.
In reference to Hellboy II:The Golden Army, the bum said, "I don't
think I saw this movie. I think I was having a crack fantasy."

If you don't think that's funny, then a) you never saw the movie nor
the first one, or b) you don't plan on seeing the movie nor the
previous one.

Me? I'm going to laugh myself to sleep now.

How NOT to start a car in the dead of winter

I discovered that there is a proper way to operate a block heater. It involves a cord that is plugged into the block heater cord, and a functioning power circuit for the extension cord to connect to!

The first I discovered when we went out to the car around 1pm, with the intention of gettig some Christmas shopping done. How Foolish! The car was a frozen solid block of steel! Hence I tried the connection, which was not in place, and Caitlin and Rini and I all went to the park while Elene charged. When we returned, we found her UNPLUGGED. Now I understand that the car consumes a substantial amount of power when connected to the block heater, but know this, IF THE CAR IS TO FUNCTION IN TEMPERATURES OF MINUS HELL FROZEN OVER, IT NEEDS TO BE PLUGGED IN!

After this brief frustation, I used my super heated breath, at a temperature 60 degrees Celcius warmer than the air surrounding us, to melt the snow and ice that was in the plug, and connected it with all my might.

I return an hour later, just to see if this is working at all, and the engine refused to turn over. In fact it refused to do pretty much any thing aside from a dull 'Ruh ruh ruh ruh ruh,' which sounded awfully pathetic.

With the wisdom that it requires at least two hours for the engine to be sufficiently warm to function in the temperature, I returned to my humble basement abode to warm my tingling fingertips and everything else that was starting to freeze. More time passes, and we inform some of our friends that we will not be attending their Christmas party, and I go out into the frigid cold to attempt to bring Elene out of the frozen prison that has encased her. Alas, I am met with failure yet again.

At this point, I notice that there has been no change whatsoever in the sound of the engine each time I have tried the ignition. I would have though that three or four hours would be plenty of time to toastify the block and fluids inside. I inspect the cord, and everything seems fine. Nevertheless, I switch out the cord, with the hope that this new cord will function slightly better.

I then call the home of the other party we were hoping to attend tonight, and inform them that I was cancelling my RSVP. A bit of a bother, since I was hoping to get in touch with some people that I haven't seen in litterally years, but such is the arrangement, that it was not to be.

I have heard this said by others and myself, "Always listen to your wife." Caitlin asked me if I had checked the circuit breaker, or maybe she told me there was no way that we were going to make the party because we would have had to turn around and come home when we got there. One or the other. In any case, I checked the breaker next, and sure enough, there was a trip. With a flick of the switch, I headed back out to check on the car and the motion detector light that was on the same circuit. Wouldn't you know, I killed two birds with one stone. I don't know if Elene will start now, but I do know that the light is now operational.

What did we learn? My neighbour doesn't quite understand how a block heater works and it is possible to trip a breaker using a block heater.

Most wonderful time...

For a beer! I need to get me some Allen & Wright to have in a frosted
mug. Mmmm...

I mention this because one of my co-workers went to West Ed on Dec 6,
first saturday in december, hoping to do some Christmas shopping.
Once he saw the crowds, he and his buddies decided to go to Hooters
and drink some beer. Then they braved the mall again, only to turn
around, go back to Hooters and drink more beer. After they had
quaffed their beverages, they decided to pick up and leave, hit a
liqour store, and go home. Now that is a holiday tale, no?

That the best thing that I could think of for the moment. Since I
was sick yesterday, work piled up a bit and I stayed late. I'll
probably stay late again in order to try to catch up with the workload
we have before the end of the year. Only nine working days left!
Actually, it's more like eight because we all know that Dec 24 and Dec
31 are going to be short days. It still beats the workload I had last
year, and I don't have to worry about people stealing hundreds of
dollars worth of merchendise.

Time for bed.

Power shift

We've had Elene, our 1986 Hyundai Excel, in our family for close to a year now, and it has taken me a while to get used to her. She has a standard transmission, so that was a chore to learn. However, last Friday, one of my co-workers told me something about a standard transmission that I knew previously, but had forgotten. This was the simple matter of how to do a power shift or proper shift. The clutch is only used to drop the car into first gear, and from first to second. After that, you don't need the clutch to change gears, and you're better off not using the clutch. That being said, that reminds me of 'Little Miss Sunshine,' where a repairman tells them the exact same thing that I just wrote! This is because their clutch burns out, and they have to push the vehicle to get some speed, then the dad puts the car into third, turns on the ignition, and then everyone jumps into the van. Rather funny to watch actually!

But in the past few days, I have been trying to power shift. Sometimes to lesser success. Caitlin has become rather irritated with my endevour, and it reminds me of when I was attempting to master a certain maneuver in Super Mario Bros. My siblings would get annoyed with me as I tried again and again, telling me that I could just jump over the obstacle instead of trying to slide under it. I kept trying and trying, and eventually I was able to pull it off quite easily. I think the only purpose of that was a lesson in perseverance. Then again, I learned lessons in adversity while on my mission, and while training for the triathlons I ran back in 2002. Getting my engineering degree, despite the fact that I was diagnosed with a mental disorder, was another matter of perseverance. And now, I'm a daddy. Father. Papa... I like daddy best. Maybe dad, but father sounds a bit austere.

Like any type of new lesson, it requires hard work, and sticking at it. Of course it does help if you get pointers from people who know what the heck they are doing! If it wasn't for Eric's bit on how he was very slow on the clutch when he was on hills, I probably never would have figured out how to do a smooth start. I'm still slow on the clutch release on the start, but it works better if you go slower than faster. The car likes you better for it. As for power shifting, I think it would be a little bit easier if the car had a tachometer. As it is, and how it's always been, I have to listen to the engine to know when it's time to shift. The speedometer helps too, but for the more part, I have to listen to the engine to know when she's ready to climb to another gear. On a bicycle, it's easy to know when the gear you're in is the proper one, or if you have to shift higher or lower. You're legs tend to communicate rather well with your brain. But with a car, you don't quite have that kind of connection. It's more of a sensation of how fast you're going, and you need to be able to sense that you've plateaued. The only way to go faster is if you gear up. When you're slowing down, you need to be able to sense if the engine is working to hard, and you need to gear down to prevent the engine from blowing itself apart. Listening to the engine is a big part of it, especially without the tach, but it's also a certain bit of driver intuition. I'm still working on that.

I have a feeling that parenting is going to be a lot like that as well. When I'm in neighbourhoods, you have to go a little bit slower, and by so doing, there's not much point to bring her higher than third. On the thoroughfare roads, I can pop her into fourth, and she motors along well. On the highway, she needs fifth, or else we are not going to get very far very quickly. Pulling into the alley, she needs to be in second to accommodate for the low speed. There will be times when Rini needs to take things slow, so she can get used to things, and then she can jump into the higher gears. But I can't control this little girl like I can a car. She's going to grow up, live her own life, and I hope that I'll still have a part in it. It might not be a very big part, but I'll still be there.

Somewhere.

As long as I remember that my wife is still the most important person in my life, aside from God, I'm sure I'll do well. Next to my own family, she's the only person I've spent this much time with, and been this honest with. I do look forward to spending the rest of my life and beyond with her, but we will have to go through numerous changes as time goes by.

I just started reading "The Celestial City," by Chad Daybell, the second book in a series of five that follows the story of three couples in the final days. Call me a sucker for doomsday stories, but this one has a different tone to it. The author has a disclaimer at the beginning of both books stressing that this is a work of fiction. Although he does use some parts from scriptures and prophecies, the books are still works of fiction, and should not be treated as any type of prophetic diction. It still makes you question what is really important in your life. It makes you wonder, if you were told to leave immediately with minimal amounts of food and clothing, and flee for your life, would you do it? Would you get on board the ark? Would you help build an ark in a time of plenty? Would you build a food storage against the storms to come? At what point do you draw the line in the sand of morality? Would you kill someone in defense, or pleasure? If you were part of an ethnic cleansing, how would you feel if you were the hunter? Or the hunted?

It's frightening to think about, and a lot of people don't think about it, because they prefer to not imagine the horror attributed to the decisions, or the circumstances that would require such choices to be made. I am quite sure that there are a number of people who think the doom sayers are full of it, but there will come a day when you will stand before your maker to account for what you did in your life. I call him Jesus Christ. You can call him Buddha, or Jehovah, or Yahweh, or whatever name you like, but there will come a day when you will realize that Jesus is the Christ. At that point, you may still not choose to accept him, and I am quite sure he will not pressure you otherwise. We all have our agency to choose to be who we will be, and by making that choice, we also choose the consequences. If you push something, it will push back, Newton's third law.

Perhaps I've said too much.

I'm going to sleep now. I have work tomorrow.

Slippery slope

I was hoping that I would be able to edit the letter that I wrote to
my brother-in-law, and then head off to bed, but using iPaq for
writing leaves some things to be desired. First off, I couldn't get
the whole thing on one page. Something about the way that gmail works
with iPaq. At least it works, of else I would have quite the time
posting these entries. Sure I could do it from the rig. but something
about writing in bed is so much more comfortable. Besides, that means
that I can snuggle while I write, and that's always better for Caitlin
and myself. Happy Wife, Happy Life. Words to live by.

In any case, I wrote about Rini's first sledding adventure, but the
second adventure was a bit crazier, and not quite as ideal... First
off, we got a new sled. If anyone has seen my facebook status, you
would know what I think of it. Needless to say, I don't really want
to hang onto it, because it pulls to the right, is really hard to
control, and it threw me every time I went on a run. It threw Rini
too, and she wasn't prepared for it! She got her first facewash, and
I can't say that I was happy about that. Neither was she. After that
incident, she was ready to go home, and announced that with vigor.

Maybe we could live with just the crazy carpet, but I would like to
have a sled that all three of us could go on a run with. There is a
wooden folding sled I saw at Zellers, and it was about $40. I could
put that on the Christmas wish list.

The other fun thing is the fact that life has got a bit more fun at
work. The three month mark has passed, and that means two things.
Evaluation! and RAISE! HIGH WOOTAGE! I don't know when that will
kick in, but for the moment, I'll just have to see on Monday.

I'm off to play some online cash cab!

Done

November is done, and so is NaNoWriMo. What a month. I was quite
confident that I was going to write 50k this year, and despite some
setbacks, and writer's block, I actually succeeded. It was really
crazy that last little bit after I crossed 45k. That last 5k was like
a 'writer's high' you could say, because I didn't think that the story
was coming to an end, in fact it was only the beginning. I had just
gotten into the characters, and the original story line was still
there, but it had spawned into something else entirely. Characters
that I had never thought of popped up and guided the story in a way I
never considered. And the fact that Caitlin was able to write with me
this year was fabulous. Rini had her way of helping us too, but most
of the writing we did when she was asleep. Yes, I had a LOT of late
nights. And I had quite a few naps when I got home bone tired from
work!

The funny thing is that when I was heading off to work on Monday, 1
Dec 2008, the first official day after NaNoWriMo 2008, I was feeling a
little down because it was over for another year. Then 'Good
Riddance' by Green Day started playing on the radio. It was the first
time in recent memory that I cried when I heard a song on the radio.
Everyone usually gushes at the chorus, "It's something unpredictable/
but in the end it's right/ I hope you had the time of your life," but
for me, one of the versus struck a chord. "Another turning point, a
fork stuck in the road/ Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where
to go/ So make the best of this test and don't ask why/ It's not a
question, but a lesson learned in time."

Writing and parenting seem to have one thing in common. The only way
you can truly learn how to do it, is to do it. There is no equal
substitute for experience, and that's something I learned from doing
NaNoWriMo. Last year, I enjoyed writing, although I really had no
idea what I was writing, and I really mangled my original idea like I
couldn't believe. The story that I've read I have not been able to
read over again, at least not in one sitting. I've heard some parts
here and there, but that's the long and short of it. The story itself
is ridiculous, and not very coherent.

I'm not going to send my 2008 work off to a publisher right away, but
at least it's something that I'm a bit more proud of. I may revisit
it later, and try to finish it up. Until that time, I'm going to get
ready for the Christmas Party on Friday. Caitlin and I are going to
be singing "Once in Royal David's City" and we've been asked if we
could perform another song. I just now got the idea of a 12 days of
Christmas song, somehow tied into parenting. I'll have to mention it
to Caitlin and see if she'll help me with the writing.

Or maybe I'll do it tomorrow once I've had some sleep!

Notice of dearth

Haven't posted for awhile, and it's going to be like that for most of the month. NaNoWriMo has started, and I have a little over 7k under my belt so far. Still have a long way to go, and I was seriously slacking today. Need to get over the whole writer's block, take the story wherever I can for the moment, and keep it going. I really want to hit 50k this year!

Boom de yadda

I do the the whole wide world. I just work better when I get enough
sleep. The meds will only do so much, but getting sufficient sleep
helps a lot! Helps me stay awake, and much less cranky. I can't say
that it's Rini's fault, because we put her down to be around 9pm, and
then I can head off to bed within an hour from then. Not a lot of
time to ourselves, but it is something. Hence I have the idea that it
would be better to get up earlier in the morning to do writing. But
then I would have to get up earlier, and I don't do well with that!

NaNotime cometh

I had a bit of a disagreement with my inlaws this weekend. Kind of
silly that I could call it an agruement, it was more of a difference
of opinion, and I did not back down. The disagreement was about
Daylight Savings Time. When does it start, and when does it end? End
doesn't really matter, because that's in the spring. In the fall,
that had changed in recent years.

It used to be the last weekend in October, and then the first weekend
in April. I remember that it would be announced in General Priesthood
session in April Conference, but that is not to be anymore. Or who
knows... Maybe the next president will think that we need to change it
back to the way it was. You never know.

But when Caitlin and I dropped off her rings at Jedco, we took a look
at their calendar, and it said that next weekend, Nov 2, is when the
clock change occurs. I was quite sure of this, because it is
mentioned in the NaNoWriMo schedule of events. That is why I was so
sure that it was no longer in October.

And I was right. I got to work on time today because I didn't change
the clocks. Mind, Fall isn't the difficult one to work with, because
you gain an hour. The one day of the year where you can actually live
your life over again, for an hour. The one time of the year when you
can tell someone, "I just ate twenty minutes from now." Ah yes. Good
times.

The things you think of when you are tired.

Just barely four days until the fingers start to fly.

Now that all the hard work, work is done

It was a bit of a hustle to get things done at work today. I stayed a little bit later, but I didn't mind. First of all, the bank was open until 5pm today, so I didn't miss the deposit deadline. I made another batch today, and that was the fourth deposit batch I had done this week! Craziness! Today, I put in three of those four, because the past two days I had missed the 4pm deadline. I would have made it yesterday, but I figured I had loads of time, and I should open some mail before I left. I should have just left a little early and made the drop! Silly!

It was also a push to get some remittances wrapped up. Little did I know, we need to submit numbers every week, on Friday, and those numbers are based on the invoiced remittances. The remittances get invoiced after I reconcile them. Oops. Mercifully, I'm getting better at my job, so I was able to plow through the dozen or so I had left before I retired for the weekend. I felt very satisfied with how much work I had done today! I certainly hope that I'm going to be worth a raise when employee evaluation comes around in December.

Sometimes I wonder how I'm going to manage writing a novel next month, but then I remember that I just have to cut out all TV viewing, and I should be fine. I'm also going to have to find some time to write when Rini is off in snoozeville, because I can't concentrate very well when there is a screeching child in the background. Hard to concentrate to say the least. I was thinking that writing in the early morning would work best, but that would mean getting out of bed early in the morning! Woof. I could do it, maybe. I have a hard enough time getting out of bed by 6:30am, so getting up at 5am? That would be a bit much. Artist have to be willing to starve for their art though, and it's a matter of how bad do you want it.

My story is really awesome, and I would really like to be able to finish 50k this year. We will have to see. And attend a lot of write ins. The 17 hour write in would be a rush to participate in, but I don't know how long I would be able to stay awake! Plus, we have Rini, so if Caitlin and I went, we would have to leave Rini with someone else, and... it just wouldn't work logistically. We might be able to do participate via the chat room, and we might be able to stop by the library for a time, but we would be able to be there for the entirety from midnight o'clock to seventeen o'clock. That would be fun, but no. Maybe when Rini is thirteen, but then we might have other children to worry about. CRUMBLEBEES!

Maybe I just have to accept that I'm not as young as I used to be.

Exhaust of life

Normally I don't like eating out, but food does cheer me up if I'm in a grumpy mood, according to my wife, and she is usually right! This time around, I was not cheering up after food, and I haven't got much sleep in the past few days. Caitlin deduced, in her infinite wifely and womanly wisdom, that I am in need of some rest.

It's recommended that you stock up on thngs in preparation for NaNoWriMo, and I would think that sleep would be one of the biggest things. I was thinking that I would get up at about 5am in order to get my writing time before I go to work. These days, I'm getting up at 6:30am, and that's a bit of a struggle. I was getting out of bed at 6am before, but then I started driving to work, and I didn't need that much time to commute. I could ride my bike, which would work for doing deposits as well, but driving is good for the winter.

Yesterday, I talked with Morgan for a bit in order to figure out the story behind the Mark of Cain. Turns out that it was more of a blessing - the mark - so that people would know not to kill Cain, lest the curse of fields, which was placed upon him for punishment for killing his brother Abel, would come upon the person who kills him. That being said, the curse would come seven fold upon whoever slew Cain. Suffice it to say, I learned a lot, including the fact that it is not the best idea to use Mormon Doctrine First Edition for study, and the Pearl of Great Price has a much better explanation as to why Cain slew Abel. In the Bible, it seems like they went out to the field and "I keel you!" Next thing we read, he's denying the fact that he knows he committed fratricide. Still have a lot to learn about this.

It's all coming together

Last night was the plot-planning party for NaNoWriMo, which was held as early as it was since the kick-off party is more of a fun fest rather than a serious 'Let's think about writing' get-together. But in any case, Rini was running around like a little hellion, and distracting people high and low. The interesting comment that Rini received was "She's not so 'femto' anymore!" Rini is not exactly the 'FemtoWriMo' anymore, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that she has graduated to the rank of 'PicoWriMo' until she can write her name.

But I have developed an insane amount of plot, and I have a really strong story now. I was struggling to piece together the Time-travelling element, so I had to write out a time line, and then draw arrows all over the place. I'm not sure that I would be able to revamp everything should I lose those pieces of paper that have the notes from my dreams and the time line, because I know some people are able to hold everything inside of their head. Yeeeehaeh. Not me. One of the reasons that I wasn't able to finish last year was because I didn't know where I was going with the book. The story was just... going... somewhere. I had no idea where, and it was somewhat annoying. If I have a skeleton that I can fashion the story to conform to, I'm quite sure that I'll be able to work better, stronger, and faster. Then again, another thing that went haywire with the story last time was that the original idea wasn't that clear, and once I started writing, I wasn't sure what I was writing, but I knew that it wasn't was I originally had in mind. And I had to force myself to keep it PG-13. Although I would have enjoyed writing some truly horrid scenes, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted to write something that I wouldn't be afraid of someone finding out that I wrote it, and I would like to read it sometime later in my life with my children. I know a novel is not exactly a bedtime story, but you get the idea. If not, I'm surprised you are reading this blog.

I'm not really keen on divulging details about what I have, but to summarize it quickly, it's a time travel bittersweet romance story. And I'm not sure about the bittersweet part, I just thought it would be a cool word to boost my word count.

It is starting already, and in ten days, the real fun begins, and blog entries will probably get shorter!

Does this mean we have to move again?

I just got news today that a friend of mine is moving out of the ward,
and out of the stake! He and his family are moving to Riverbend, to a
bigger home, which they do need. I'm really sad to see him go,
because it was such a blessing to not only have him in the ward, but
to have him as our hometeacher.

I've heard that the only thing constant in life is change, but the
other thing to keep in mind is the need to accept change. I'm sure if
we wanted to we could move out to Riverbend to be in the same ward,
but Caitlin would prefer to get a home in this end of the city, if not
in Millwoods.

Plus, we heard word about a new program from the government in which
you could have you mortgage paid for by renting out your basement to
mentally and/or physically challenged people. The government is
getting rid of group homes, and in their place they are setting up a
subsidization program for those who rent out a suite to
mentally/physically challenged people. I'm sure that there is a
certain amount of screening that you have to go through, and then
there's also the issue of OWNING A HOUSE. Small details, I'm sure.
Still, if we can save up enough for a down payment, I would think that
would be half the battle.

It was also interesting putting everything together for chruch today.
Usually, I just pop iPaq into my pocket, and away we go. However,
iPaq's battery was a little low, so we went with ye olde books. I
thought we were fine, I had a triple combination, my Kaine Diatheke,
and my priesthood manual. Good thing I checked that, because I
discovered that the manual was not this years 'Joseph Smith' manual,
but rather last years 'Spencer W. Kimbal.' Oops. Fortunately, I was
able to get a manual at church, and I hung onto it. You know, in case
I need it for next time.

Uses for the rig

I must say that our desktop computer is really starting to irritate
me. It was bad enough when we had dial up, but now we have a virus on
our computer. The worst is when you are trying to play a video, and
the virus keeps inturupting the stream. It worked great for
conference, but any other video, it is like watching really bad
stop-motion.

Today, I tried to load a video onto Facebook. Big mistake. I would
have had better luck filling a sieve with sand. After I decided to
give up on that, I figured I would send a message to someone, with an
attached website address. Putting the address in the message attaches
a preview of the website, and hence bogs down the bandwidth. Or just
makes the comptuer think really hard. Either way, it was going slower
than molasses going uphill in January on crutches.

Eventually, I just shut down the rig and pulled out Dory. I had the
message sent in five minutes. I didn't try posting the video, but
I'll give that a try some other time.

I also did a training exercise for NaNoWriMo this morning. I sat down
with iPaq and pounded out a continuation of last years NaNoWriMo
story. I was rather impressed that I was able to get out 1488 words
in an hour, even with all the distractions I had to deal with.

Part way through the hour that I had decided to write, Rini woke up,
and in order to cut down on the amount of time I would be getting away
from the keyboard, I opened her door a crack. She has yet to master
opening doors with doorknobs, but she can pull on them just fine. She
can get out of bed by herself now, so if she can get out of her
bedroom by herself, all the better. She tried climbing onto my lap,
but I invited her to get up on the chair beside me instead.
Remarkably, she actually did it! Then she got bored about three
minutes later, or sooner since I wasn't really keeping track of the
time, and went about the family room making a mess and trying to
entertain herself. I did get up when she pulled Zeus the moose onto
her head. I'm not sure why I decided to put that Juniper Moose on top
of her toy box, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I would wonder if i have the dedication to do this, since I focus on
my writing to the point that I put my child in danger. True artists
are willing to suffer for their work, but making others suffer? Mind,
I did get up and hold her after Zeus pinned her. I'm not entirely
heartless to the point that I just get the moose off her, scold her
for doing something so dangerous, and then get back to writing.

Besides, you save more time by taking time to comfort her. If I had
done the idiot thing and just do the minimal work needed to make sure
she wasn't dead, that would be bad parenting.

Elene is not dead yet

Actually, Elene is far from dead, but I was a little worried about the
steering, hence she went into Speedy yesterday. I took Bikey to work,
and was able to get to Speedy in time to pick her up before close.
Turns out that the steering is fine, the wheel alignment is good, and
the radio just had a burnt fuse. So, all that work cost $80. If I
went to Crappy Tire, I'm sure they would have wanted at least three
times that, and they would have tried to do the alignment anyway.
That, and the guys at Speedy have been working on cars for longer than
Elene has been around, so I trust them to take good care of her.

Still, in the end, it sounds like an awful lot of money to fix a fuse!
But the amount of work that it took to figure out that it was the
fuse? I think it was worth it.

I was also educated about how the wheel positioning works. Since I
have front wheel drive, the axels are different lenghts. Nothing to
do about that, it's part of the design. However, that will get a bit
of a pull to the left. The pull to the right can be due to road
grade, which is supposed to be 7%, but with the roads that we have
right now, it can be 15% or so. Also the steering wheel may be a
little off center. Happens. Another thing that Eric mentioned was
that it could also be due to unequal tire pressure. I'm going to get
Elene's tires done on Monday. I wanted to get them done on Thursday,
but things got a little busy, and I had to rush off. Bleh.

The irony is that driving home, although I just paid $80 to fix the
radio, I didn't turn it on. Too used to the silence, and I didn't
know how to turn it on.

What can the matter be

I just dropped off Elene at Speedy today to see if there is anything
the matter with her wheel alignment, and from what the guys at Speedy
said, there is probably something loose. I thought the steering was
out of alignment, because I have to hold the wheel over to the left in
order for her to go straight. I haven't noticed any uneven wear on
the tires, so I didn't think much of it. But some of my coworkers say
otherwise, and I figured I could also figure out what's wrong with the
power connection to the radio. How much is this going to cost?
Hopefully not much. I did just get paid, but I would like to save
some money.

And the beat goes on

Although there was a lot of things that happened today, I can't help
but feel it was not an extra-ordinary day.

Mind, we all went to Wal-Mart for the first time in about a year, in
order to use the gift certificates from Jess and Chris. We got a
couple of movies that we've been meaning to pick up. I was trying to
see if there was a PS2 game that caught my eye, but nothing drew me
in. Most of the movies at Wal-Mart didn't jump out at me either, but
there were a few that caught my eye. The Black Cauldron, The
Aristocats, and we also got a Christmas present for Erik as well.
Yes, we are actually doing some advance shopping this time around!

I picked up Caitlin's workout bra yesterday, and today she went and
got a one month membership at Millwoods Rec Center. She immediately
put both to use, and has plans to continue attending for the next 30
days. Probably three times a week, if not more. Bonus if she can go
everyday, but we'll see how that works. How it is right now, Rini and
I will have some daddy-daughter time while Caitlin goes to work out.
I wonder how this is going to work next month, with NaNoWriMo going
on. I guess we'll see!

The Vote is Cast

Really tired tonight. Tired to the point that I was falling asleep at
work today. Not good.

By the time I went to vote I was plenty awake, and I had to be, since
I was chasing around Rini for a good part of the time that we were at
the polling station! I'm not sure if she fully understood why we were
there, but she enjoyed the time outside!

Meeting with my folks

It was weird to think that I hadn't seen my parents in close to a year when we went to visit today, but the last time we visited was back in January for Ukrainian Chirstmas! We really don't have any excuse, because we have Elene now, and we visit the Tolleys at least twice a month, if not more! Plus, gas is dropping in price.

We were talking with our sister-in-law and got her excited for NaNoWriMo. She's going to sign up as soon as she can, and she's got an idea that she is going to be running with. She also lives quite close to the Strathcona library, so she might be heading over there for some events, when she's not buried in homework! Studies do come first. Still, it's awesome that we have someone else on board for the writing frenzy!

The story of Dory and iPaq

For the first time in my life, I bought a new computer. That is really weird to say that, because I just realized that it's true. All the computers that I have owned previously have either been purchased second hand, or refurbished models, or received as gifts. The rig that we have now, I could say that I received it as a gift, because I did help with the construction of it, but I didn't buy any of the pieces to it, expect for the DVD-R drive. I've bought pieces of computers, but never an entire unit.

Weird.

Nevertheless, the computer that I did purchase, wasn't even for me. I bought it for Caitlin, and some would disagree that it's a computer. It's classified as a 'Netbook' by Future Shop and a 'Mobile Internet Device' by The Source by Circuit City. It's full name proper is the Acer Aspire One.

We call it 'Dory' or 'Little Blue' because it's... well, small... and blue.

Wonderful little device with a 9" screen, 120 GB Hard Drive, wifi b/g, and runs on 512 MB RAM with the Intel Atom processor. Truth be known, the RAM sounds a little low, but the OS is Linux, which doesn't need much in the way of operating memory. The Battery life could have something to be desired, it's only good for two hours, but the fact that Caitlin can but it in her purse, and it works with the mini-mouse that I've hung onto for about three years. I picked it up when I went to the press conference announcing the name change of the Edmonton Space and Science Center, which had already been changed to Oddysium, to Telus World of Science Edmonton. The mouse is super small, like size of your thumb small, but it works well with a small computer. It's really cute, and functional. Caitlin just needed something to write with, play games, check email, internet browsing, and play Pogo.com. That last one, I need to do some fixing with that one. I just need to get a Java client for Linux, which is super easy, and away we go!

iPaq is taking a back seat next to Dory, but that was bound to happen. I'm still going to use iPaq, it's really great for what I need right now. It does what I need for portable computing, and the big things, like burning picture CDs for my parents, can be done using the rig. I didn't need to got a $2000 pack of cards for Caitlin!

Does this mean I'm old now?

Late Post - should have been posted yesterday, but I was too tired to move it from iPaq.
********************************************
It's sort of odd that I'm thirty years old now, but only when I think about it. At the same time, it's odd to think about it! When you're a teenager, you think 30 is old, then when you approach that age, you don't think about it, sometimes to the point that you pick an age and stick with it. Women merely 'gain experience' after they turn 29, while men tend to have twelve years experience of being 18 once they hit the big 3-0.

So what's my secret? Meh. There's no secret, just gotta take it a day at a time, and focus on the important things. Mind you, that's changed over the years too. Ten years ago, well, I was on my mission, so the thing I wanted most was mail from home. Twenty years ago, it was Nintendo for sure. Some kind of game and lots of time to play it. Alright, somethings haven't changed because we got a PS2 game, but it's a karaoke High School Musical game. I'm kind of past the whole Mario phase, although I wouldn't mind playing Mario Kart Wii. Truthfully, I wanted to get it so that Caitlin and I would be able to play together. Funny thing is she sings better than me. According to the game at least. I just need practise, and it's a game that she doesn't mind me playing with Rini around. Rock Band would be fun, but 'Enter Sandman' isn't exactly the most kid friendly song out there. We'll just have to visit the Brooks more, and see how they react to HSM:Sing It!

The Wheel of Time turns

Tonight will be the last night that I will be under 30. As of
tomorrow, I will have circled the sun thirty times, and to think I
used to think that I'd be old by now.

Ok, so I'm losing my hair, but aside from that I'm happily married,
the father of a beautiful daughter, and I have a steady job that's
keeping my family fed.

Still, three decades is a long time. I'm not the same person I was
ten years ago. I could say thank goodness for that! I'm not sure if
Caitlin would have still married me if I was the arrogant twat I was
before my mission. Hmmm... maybe I haven't changed that much.

I mentioned that my birthday is tomorrow, and my boss got an odd smile
on his face. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, but I
trust it should be something... good. I hope.

Little upgrade

Once upon a while ago, I saw a crazy deal at Honour Computers, and I
went in and bought a 1GB stick of DDR2 RAM. Whee! What a deal! Then
I get home, and the blasted thing wouldn't fit. I tried pushing,
rearranging, cleaning, lining up slots perfectly, but it was after
about ten minutes I finally realized that the computer was compatible
with DDR RAM, not DDR2. I couldn't just throw it out. It was still
good, I just couldn't use it for my computer.

Good thing I hung onto it, because I just traded it for 1GB of DDR
RAM. I thought that I could use these two 512MB sticks in tandem with
my other 512MB stick to give the computer 1.5GB of RAM. That didn't
work. Although there are three RAM slots, the computer would only
read two, and I couldn't figure out which two! So the 'puter has 1GB
now, which is a bit of a step up from the 768MB which it had
previously. But I know the computer would run faster if I could
figure out how to get rid of the virus on there! Maybe I should just
get a Mac. That, or I'll be using iPaq more than I am already! And
that's saying something.

Get ready to Write and Roll!

I finally took a look at the notes I made on some dreams I had back in
June. I'm very glad that I wrote down as much as I would think of,
because I realized that I forgot a lot of details: the calendar wall,
who said what, character descriptions, teleportation, the
'Koble-Bjoti' switch, and the radio equipment. This is shaping up to
be an excellent story.

Plus, I found some notes I took on another one of Cailtin's dreams,
and she thought it was one of mine, because she didn't remember
telling me about this dream. I'm glad I dated when it was I wrote all
those details down!

Speaking of crazy stories, Caitlin and I sat down to watch some
'Heroes' tonight. I know that there is another episode on right now,
but that's what VCRs are for. Yes, VHS is an ancient concept, but it
still works! Plus, I figured I could afford to plunk down $20 for a
few cassettes rather than $500+ for a PVR. Not as nice, not as
convenient, but within our price range. I suppose the fact that we
got the recorder for free adds another level of frugality to it.

But I am certainly intrigued by some of the story twists that have
occured so far. I'm not sure how Season 2 went, but I heard that it
was pretty bad. What do you expect? It was right before the Writer's
strike! Of course you're going to get cream of the crap! I'm
thinking of renting it from Roger's a disc at a time, or just save $5
a week, and then go and buy it. Torn am I. Do I want to use my
finances to procure something that I'm quite sure I'll enjoy, but may
be not worth my investment? I did buy "Bring It On," but I got it
used, and it is slated for resell, as soon as I get that box off to EB
Games or something.

Plans and Projects

While Caitlin is pounding away at her sewing project, I busied myself
with setting up our computer to receive conference today. It worked
very well, and we will probably so it again in April. Fun times!

I worked on my novel for NaNoWriMo. You can't do any writing, but you
can do planning in November. I was using a quiz that I found on
facebook. Someone had filled it out because they were bored, and I'm
assuming that someone wrote it because they were bored. It was enough
to get my mind rolling and thinking about what I wanted in my Main
Character. It also made me think about character and plot dynamics.
I know there are still a lot of things to work out, but if I can get
the story in my head, and most importantly a destination, then I can
see myself pounding out much more than 50k next month.

I just need to find a story that needs to be told. Or at least one
that I want to tell.

I met a facinating person today. I believe his name was Peter Jarvis,
and I believe he works for the U of A. Industrial designer by trade,
he had quite a few stories about how the trade came to be, and how U
of A got the faculty. In the days of Henry Ford, where you could get
your box on wheels in any colour, so long as it was black, the
automotive industry had hit a standstill. So they went to the
cartoonists and asked them to draw them a car. This drawing was then
taken to the shop, and now we have parking lots filled with different
models of boxes with wheels. And they come in black along with a
variety of all the other colours of the rainbow. He also knows Steve
Drake. THE Steve Drake. Rather amazing that Steve was given the keys
to one of the most powerful computers in the country at the time, and
three months to figure out how the thing works so that he and two
other collegues could start teaching about it. No pressure! Mr.
Jarvis also told me about the MLM known as Discovery Toys. Litlte did
I know, that Mom tolley has a bunch of discovery toys games. I'll
have to remind her to dig them out for us tomorrow.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

I always like to think that fall is the most wonderful time of the year, and that may be entirely of the fact that my birthday lands during that time.  This time around I'm going to be celebrating the end of my third decade upon this planet, and when I think about it, it seems a little weird.  Thirty years old!  Does that mean I'm old now?  Older, that's for sure, but I can see how some people think that life beings at 40, or so they hope. 

 

Another wonderful time of the year is General Conference.  This year I'll actually be able to attend all sessions, and I hope to take full advantage of it.  Knowing me, the biggest challenge will be staying awake, but I do hope to take away some good experience, and something to work on. 

 

I can't help but think of what November will bring though.  NaNoWriMo was quite the experience, and although I haven't taken much of a look at the 42,000 words that I managed to pound out during those harried 30 days, I really want to do it again.  This time with a bit more of a plan.  I know that the biggest part of NaNo is to have fun.  At the same time, I actually would like to write a coherent story this time around.  The biggest help to that would be having a good outline.  I was reading about an interesting way to make an outline using something called a "Phase outlne."  Really helps to have the plot and character development in place and then you can just concentrate on word output.  Right now, all I have is a title, an idea, and a few notes about a dream I had.  If I can work that into an outline, then I'll have some hope. 

 

Then again, I might get another great idea, and run with that!  Yeah, I don't think so either.

The blog shall rise again

I'm quite sure that traffic has come to a halt on this site, and I'm going to make an effort to change that. I have been updating my other blog quite routinely this past week, and I wondered why I don't do that with this one. The simple reason was because I didn't know what the mobile posting address was. Now that I do, I'm going to make a much larger effort to so.

That and November is coming soon.

Scripture-osity

Some might argue that everything at Generations is horrendously overpriced, but today, Caitlin and I spent about $50, and with that we were able to get: three books; "Where The Red Fern Grows" on DVD (purchase, not rent); a baby book for the Rini-Beany; an emergency blanket.

One of the books is entitled, "Please Pass the Scriptures." I grabbed it when we came into the store, yet I almost put it back. In the end, we did take it, and I'm glad we did. It's a very informative read about how you can improve your scripture study, and from the sounds of the first bit, how you can improve your attitude towards scripture study. The author recommends that you don't read the book cover-to-cover all at once, but rather work your way through it, chapter by chapter. I say "work", because there are assignments at the end of each chapter. The first one being, write a journal entry about the importance of scripture study. I may rely on the material I just read, but that just means I agree with what the author said. That, and I don't plan on publishing this for money.

Scripture study is something that I've known is important for years. Most of my life I have known that scriptures have an importance. I remember on my mission I was feeling less than worthy of my call at one point, and I came across a verse in Helaman when Samuel the Lamanite was on the city wall berating the Nephites. At least I think it was. I just read through Helaman 13 and 14 and I could find anything that I remember jumping out at me. This time around Helaman 13:22 kind of jumped out at me though, and showed where I could use some improvement: Ye do not remember the Lord your God in the things with which he hath blessed you... In the introduction and the first chapter of Pass the Scriptures, there is quite a bit about remembering. Part of our baptismal covenants involve remembering God, and honouring our covenants would require studying the scriptures. Mckay White has even mentioned it to us in numerous home teaching visits that we need to make it more of a habit to study the scriptures. A handy little acronym also helps with the advantages of scripture study. PEACE - Protection, Easier to listen to the Spirit, All things what ye should do, C... was... calming? I can't remember now. I'll have to read it again.

New day, new surprise

Got back from the interview a couple hours ago, and it was... good. A successful failure I suppose you could call it, because I didn't get the job that I applied for. How do I know? Brother Baker told me. Ender Baker did the interview, but after we were done the job interview, he did something he had never done before and that was analyze the interview with the interviewee immediately after the interview. In his words, "I'm going to take off the hat of Operations Manager, and put on the hat of Ward Employment Specialist." I was a little surprised, but very grateful for the service provided to me. He told me first thing that from the interview, and from what he knows about me, the job as Bilingual Claims Officier would kill me. I would be lying awake at night inside of two months. It's not that they are terrible people, purposely out to ruin people and their livelihoods, but they have to stick to the contract. No matter what. He then told of a recent situation in which a widow called about her car which was not working, needed repair, and was covered under the insurance policy that her husband so wisely purchased. However, she had not taken the car in for an inspection the previous year, and that voided the policy. The lady was in tears, and there was literally nothing they could do except go over the policy, and clairfy why they could not help them.

Doing that in English would be one thing. To do that in french? I don't know. Plus, he's right. I do that at work sometime, and it eats at me. Another reason why I need to find another job.

On that note, Brother Baker said that he would help me with the job search in finding postings that are under my radar, and help me figure what to present in the application (cover letter, resume, and interview). Still haven't told him of my condition, but I'm thinking that it might be a good idea soon. Seeing that I may not be getting employment at his company, I should be alright in telling, but who knows. It does not interfere, and it's under control. No worries.

A new day dawns

Technically, it's not dawn yet. Somewhere in Eastern Canada maybe, but not here. So I would say that tomorrow is the big day. I have an interview at 9am for a position with Pro-Tech Insurance. I know that my experience with WFG fell flat on its face, but this is a bit diffferent in the fact that you have the clients come to you. Just the idea that it was Amway with Insurance didn't sit well with me, and it REALLY didn't sit well with Caitlin. We also didn't have a car at the time, and that put a serious damper on the feasibility of it. Now we have Elene, our wonderful 1986 Hyundai Excel that Bishop Orr gave to us on March 21, 2008 (have to double check the car log to be sure about that), and on the good days, I should be able to ride my bike. But it's the whole idea of getting into a job that will have hours that will allow me to be a better father and husband. At least that's the hope. Not attending church has really put a damper on me, and that can be a seriously bad thing.

The biggest thing that I have to remember tomorrow is not volunteer my bi-polar. That got me black-balled from Telus, and it is not something that will interfere with the job. I have it under control with medication, meditation, and... sleep.

Funny, Caitlin and I were going over some interview questions, and when we got to the issue of dependability, and what everyone would say, I thought of Free Comic Book Day. First Saturday of May, we went to Happy Harbour Comics, and talked with Ed and Liana (Ed and Red's night party). Through conversation, that was basically Caitlin and Liana going on about costumes, it was mentioned that Liana was an E cup. This fact was mentioned earlier, but I thought that it was said in jest. It was then that I thought it would be best if we went to Dawn's Bra-tique to invest in some undergarments for Caitlin, since she was about the same size as Liana, from my observations. Turns out that I was pretty close, if not correct in my assumption. The real story comes from what Rini and I did.

At one point, we discover that Rini needs a diaper change. Not emergency level, but it would be a good idea. Caitlin and I then realize to our dismay that we had forgotten diapers. And wipes. Lucky for us, Kingsway garden mall was across the street! I head off, baby in arms, and I venture into the mall to find the supplies. First stop, Zellers, where I could not find anything smaller than 80 diapers in a box, and I couldn't find any wipes to boot. So I ventured towards Shoppers Drug Mart. On the way to Shoppers, there are a number of stores, one of them being GameStop. I figured that since Rini's diaper situation wasn't too bad I would stop in there for five minutes. And I did only stop for five minutes! I found Psychonauts for PS2, went to the counter to purchase it, and by the time the cashier had rung the game through, Rini was asleep. When I recounted this story to Mike (manager at Source), he added, "Well, you can still change diapers when they're asleep." At this point I include the thoughts that went through my mind, "Since she's asleep, we don't have to change her diaper right away." With that thought in mind, I went back to Dawn's. You can only imagine what Caitlin's face looked like when I told her that not only was Rini still in the same diaper, but I had not acquired any more, and I had purchased a game. Comment from Mike, "I'm surprised you're here right now. My wife would have killed me!" I think if it wasn't for the fact that we spent over $200 on Caitlin's 'I feel pretty' clothes, she would have been signifigantly more miffed at me.

Well, I need some sleep so I can get ready for tomorrow.

Job Status

I just got word from the district manager that I'm getting a demotion. Quite frankly, I'm not surprised. I'm going to stay on as AM, even though there are two other people at the store that could do my job, and more often than not perform some of my duties, but I will no longer have the title of Rogers Specialist. Hence I will be turning over my shirts, or I'll keep them, or I'll use them as oil rags. I honestly don't know what's going on in that department. All I know is that I can't wear them at work any longer.

I thought I was going to get the message in person, and I surprised Steve (DM) when I told him that he was the first person to tell me about this demotion. At the same time, I think I might have surprised him when I wasn't in any sort of shock or dismay when he told me about this. Hey, I would do the same thing if I were in his shoes. It's been over a month since I have done any type of cell phone transaction, core or paygo. Quite frankly, I didn't anticipate staying this long, and I'm going to apply for another job very soon. I have to get the application together, and I have to go over some interview stuff. I'll also have to gather some info to see if I can get a reference from others. Need two professional references, and two personal references for the application. I don't think the professional ones would be tough, but the personal... hmmmm... Maybe the bishop and Mckay. I'll have to check on that one.

Had a bit of a freak out at work, because I could find my keys. I had given them to a co-worker so she could open the next day, and I was not told where they went after that. Silly me, I should have thought of looking in the most obvious place, which was the receipt/key drawer. Oops. All's well that ends at 10pm. Time to work tomorrow, and Sunday. Day off Monday, and I hope I can find the schedule!

Minor failure

I just got word today from Ron that I forgot to do something last night. It wasn't transmitting the time cards, I remembered that. It wasn't pricing, I was pretty on top of that. The thing that I forgot was to ensure that the back door was closed. Of all the places I've worked, Southgate has been the first store to use the back door on a daily basis. Most other stores use the front door exclusively, and I always remember to lock that. In this case, not only was the back door unlocked, it was open. Open to the point that Mall Security noticed it and called Ron. At 10:30pm last night. Major breach of security on my part, and it could even get a finger pointed in my direction as an accomplice to theft. Grounds for immediate dismissal. Why did I not double check that the door was closed? The person I assigned to use the door to get the garbage out was the person I hired and vouched for his personal character. I went to bat for this guy, and I thought that he was capable of closing the door. There's a bit of a trick to it, and I thought that he had it under his belt already, or if he didn't, he would have asked me how to get the door closed. I suppose I'm too trusting, and I haven't learned one of the basis rules of management. Everyone below you is an idiot, and you cannot trust them. I always thought that people had integrity and strength of character and didn't need someone over their shoulder every single step of the way.

Is that the secret to sucess? Use resources to succeed, such as capital and people. Employees are nothing more than ants that gather and distribute. There's no point in thinking of them as anything but.

Ok, I might be getting a little pesemistic here, but I have the most feeling that tomorrow or Monday, I am going to get fired, unless I can present a strong case as to why I should stay on with the Source. My reasons for applying in the first place was simply because a) I needed employment to sustain my family, b) I wanted a job that would be close to home, and c) I liked the idea of working with products that I like, would buy myself, and could recommend to people. I never thought of it as a career after school, although there was a small parallel to what I majored in University. I know there is more to life than doing retail, but when you have someone tell you point blank that he doesn't trust you, and he can't believe that he ever did, that's really low. It doesn't matter that I've never lost my temperment with a customer, or that I do my best with sales and training (of course with the training that would involve proper securing of the back door, now wouldn't that! Hush, trying to make a point), the fact of the matter is that in business, you want more assets than liabilities. If you can get rid of liabilities all together will little to now effect, all the better. It's a matter of business, not personal issues.

I still have a hard time getting over how bitter Ron was when he talked to me today. I've only heard him raise his voice once, and we were getting ready for a visit from upper management.

I thinking if Ron passed this along to the Millwoods manager, where I'll be working tomorrow, or where I'll be fired from as the case may be, but then I realized that he might read this himself.

Ron told me to think about what I'll tell Steve next time I see him. Specifically, why I should remained employed with the company. I just keep thinking about my family, and if I lose the job how very, very screwed we could be. Caitlin's EI ends next month, and as our finances stand right now, we have a burn time of about two months. I'm also one of the most knowledgeable salespeople in Edmonton, and that makes for a great asset to the company. With time I can learn management skills, which was a heavy hat to take.

Speaking of Ron, I just got off the phone with him, and I am now very glad that I pay tithing, was sealed in the temple, and uphold me priesthood covenants. He said, "God must really love you." Quite litterally, that sentance alone was an answer to my prayers. He didn't go into much detail after that, but he did say that I'm not going to be fired. He also said that Steve Chand will be visiting me with the advice that Don forwarded to Ron, who then presented it before Randy, the Regional Manager. I was also told that I need to be at the top of my game over the next few days to prove that I am ready and worthy for whatever this is.

Confused yet? I almost made Caitlin smack me when I wouldn't say what it was that is going to happen. I didn't tell her because I simply was not told, and therefore do not know.